it’s the hope

You ever catch yourself getting disappointed something didn’t work when the odds were slim to begin with. For example, I’m currently annoyed at the lack of Wi-Fi connection on a flight. Something that is literally a stretch and known to be unreliable. I’m realizing this seems to be to a common theme in my life right now. If there is a .001% possibility of something working out I’ll put a lot of hope in those horrible odds. Like this airplane Wi-Fi.  Or a trip making it out of the group chat. Or thinking the guy is actually one of the good ones. 

Sometimes I can’t tell if the excitement of the belief it’s gonna work out makes up for the heartbreak when it doesn’t. Maybe it is the hope that kills you. I seem to take it a step further though and not only hope but plan my life around it working out. So then not only am I bummed the odds were in fact not beat… I also then have to pivot and usually miss out on something I turned down because I thought MAYBE this one actually works out. But hey that’s why I have one of these packed at all times. Just incase it does all go to sh*t.

So I can run away and find the next thing to be delusional about.

So I guess I’ll use my next flight to practice a realistic mindset and go into it expecting Wi-Fi thousands of feet in the air to be trash. Because like I mentioned, my previous hopeful self thought I would spend this flight cranking out emails… and that is obviously not the case so I pivoted to writing this. And after I finish this, I may watch Clifford because something about watching that big red dog sounds oddly calming right now.

-E