Hometown

Before, I get into my thoughts and feelings. Mom and Dad, if you are reading this so I want you to know you made this holiday season so special. The boys and I are so lucky to have this place to come back to and for it to be full of Christmas spirit. So thank you for all you do and giving us the space for us all to finally be back under one roof. And thank you Kevin, Ryan, and Mollie for traveling back from the west coast with me so we could all be together.

I am back in North Carolina for the holidays. I went to college in Oregon and now I live in California, so I don’t get to come home often and when I do it is usually for a limited amount of time. I was kind of in my own little unique PNW life for the past 5 years and would come back to my double life in NC during breaks. I never had a blend of my two worlds, they were always very separate to me.

I miss the girl that used to drive down the streets in south Charlotte singing to country music and dreaming of getting out of this town. She was pure and full of optimism. Her main concerns were soccer practice, school, and what to wear to the Friday football game (BIG DECISION to dress in the student section theme or rep the boyfriend’s letterman jacket). She stopped to pet every dog she saw (ok that hasn’t changed). She cared way too much about how people viewed her. She thought the simple act of putting mascara on made her look put together and transformed her into a different being. She identified herself though the activities she partook in. She was a soccer and retreat gal. She was never content and always thought about the next thing. She was the old me and I miss her.

But here I am now, just a visitor in a place I used to call my full-time home. The city has changed and so have I. I have watched friends stay in Charlotte and grow with the city. But I feel like I was always in this long-distance relationship with this town. I tried to keep in touch, but we were living our own lives, experiencing different things. And now we have to figure out how to coexist again after our individual growth.

When I am home in the summer, I spend all of time at the lake (swimming and waterskiing) or rafting at the Whitewater Center. But in the winter when those activities are not an option I have to get a bit more creative with my time. Thank God Pickleball can be played year round. If you have met my family then you can imagine how intense our matches get. So most of our holiday break has been spent at the court battling it out purely for bragging rights. But I still feel the most at home when I am in the water or on the boat with the fam, so maybe thats why it feels different.

This past week, I drove my Dad’s truck through the old roads I used to frequent. It was nice to be in a town where I know the roads like the back of my hand and don’t need google maps to get around. I even played the classic country songs to try to find the previous version of myself. I think I thought if I could find her again, I wouldn’t feel so out of place in a location that is so familiar. But at the same time, I am proud of who I am today and how I have changed during my time away. I obviously have so many more areas of growth, but that is what New Year’s resolutions are for.  I realized that although I miss the girl I used to be, I don’t want to revert back to her when I am home.

I love that this current version of myself knows her worth and will not settle. She isn’t chasing her peers’ approval. She cares deeply, I will admit too much at times. She attaches on to people quickly and gets crushed when the effort isn’t reciprocated. She knows when it is time to move on and recognizes sometimes you outgrow relationships… and that is OKAY. She realizes how much of a better human she is after a good night’s rest and a morning run.

I wish I could hug the younger version of me and let her know Charlotte will mean more to her than she thought it could. She will end up meeting some badass rafting coworkers who will create this incredible new community in Charlotte. They will teach her to take life less seriously and question the status quo. She will have a small but quality group of individuals who have grown with her through high school and while she was away.

Curious if anyone else has felt similar during this holiday season when returning home after spending time away from your hometown? Or maybe you never left your hometown, but you still feel like you have to refigure out your place in this location after you have grown and changed throughout the years. Or maybe I’m alone in this and that’s fine.

Go Cougs and Carolina Panthers,

E